Friendships

I have come to realize that I don't really have a best friend and in turn I have become a mediocre friend at best. I don't really pursue any one for their friendship nor do I try to cultivate a best friend within the relationships that i already have. So here are some thoughts on why I am not a good friend...

Back when i was in Jr. High, I had this friend named Justin Barney. He was my best friend. we did everything together and he was fun. I always at his house and he at mine. We played soccer, skateboarded, goldeneye, and listened to the Beatles. We had a good relationship. We were able to talk about anything. It was cool. Then We changed High Schools and drifted apart and he eventually moved to Missouri. After that i haven't really been close with anyone. There is no one that I would say that I want to hang out with all the time or could tell anything to. I have people who are there for me, but not in that best friend sort of way. I am kind of on my own. I justified that feeling by saying that I am just in a different place than every one else. Not in an arrogant "I'm better than everyone" sort of way, just the I'm not where they are. People seem to have these deep seeded relationships that no one can break into. Where as I don;t have that. I think it's all because of me. I am the only one to blame for it. I tend to be a home body. I keep to myself. It's not like people don't like me, I seem to have friends when I go out and people seem to enjoy my company. It just seems that those relationships only go so deep.

So I, in turn, push this facade of best friendship with whomever I am dating. Not conscientiously, but rather subconsciously. I enter into these relationships with the idea that they are my best friend. When the relationship sizzles out I find that I am by my self because I have pushed them away. I can see it all over the place. So I have realized that I don't treat the people in my life with the respect that they deserve. Sad times for me.

The bible is chalked full of "one another" passages. I have been living my life as I saw fit. Or as I thought God wanted my personal relationship with Him to be. It revolved around my thinking that God is very personal therefore, not concerned with my friendships. He is concerned about both. They will know we are Christians by our love, not by our exclusive relationships with Him. Those personal times with God are great and should be strong, but it needs the balance of friendships.

All and all, I need to learn how to be a friend. I obviously don't get it. I don't know how to be a friend to people. I can be friendly, and kind of deep with others, but not in the way God has called me to be. I need to be a best friend, and I also need to find one.