Where life takes us...

I have come into the understanding that life will not happen the way you want it to. Nor will happen the way you think it should. I recently got dumped, and by recently I mean last night. Yep, I got dumped and it doesn't leave me mad or upset. It just leaves me confused. I didn't have any delusions of getting married or anything like that, so it wasn't like I was in love. It just took me by surprise. I still don't get it. We were fine until she came out here, or at least I thought so. She didn't feel it anymore. She just doesn't think of me as a boyfriend. Which is alright, I just would have liked to know before she came out. I can't help but feel like i was taken advantage of. I know that wasn't her intention, but I can't help but feel that way...

This leaves me thinking about life. Not in the "how do I go on" way, just in the "what did I do wrong" way. I can't help but think there was one act alone that separated us. Can't figure out what that is, but I can't help but feel that way. So my question to you is, what is it that makes people feel for each other? Where does this so called chemistry come from?

I know that love is a choice, and I'm not claiming to be in love at all. But what is it that makes us "fall" for one another? How do we keep that? I can't think of any good answer. I just think that it happens because it happens and nothing more. When will it be easier? Does it get easier? Do I want it to be easier? Is it good that it bothers me? These are all the things that keep my mind rolling?

So to her I have to say, that there are no hard feelings at all. I'm not mad or upset really. I'm just trying to figure out how it died out without us even having issues. So what do I do now? I don't know, but I won't make promises like the last time things died between me and a girl. I said I wasn't going to get into a relationship right away. 3 weeks later, there i was. So I won't make that promise. Cause frankly, I like women. They seem to like me for about a month or two. I need to capitalize while I can I guess.

So here is what I am going to do. Nothing. That's right, I'm not going to try to change. I change all the time after a relationship, but not anymore. I like me. I'm hot, smart, and talented. Ok, that may be a little too much self confidence. I guess what I am trying to process is that I don't think I need to change what I am doing. I did everything right. I put her before myself, I infused Christ into the relationship. She didn't want me. That's alright. It really is her loss. I will miss her because she is fantastic. But she is obviously fantastic for some one else. I just want to know who I am fantastic for.